HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP QUIZ

If you'd like to see how healthy your relationship is, note your answers to the statements below.

After taking the quiz, reflect on the answers you've chosen. Note where your answers fall to give you a sense of whether there are issues of concern that may need to be addressed.

These are certainly not all the questions that characterize what a healthy or unhealthy relationship is comprised of; and even one single answer may be an indication of a serious problem.

QUIZ

  1. (I/we)  always feel safe with each other.

  2. (I/we)  encourage each other's interests, like sports, reading, cooking, etc.

  3. (I/we)  allow one another privacy for things like letters, phone calls, diaries, etc.

  4. (I/we)  don't listen when the other talks.

  5. (I/we)  trust each other.

  6. (I/we)  solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing at each other, or making threats.

  7. (I/we)  allow each other space when we need it.

  8. (I/we)  cheat or threaten to cheat.

  9. (I/we)  smash, throw, or destroy things.

  10. (I/we)  depend completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs.

  11. (I/we)  pressure the other for sex or makes sex hurt or feeling humiliating.

  12. (I/we)  each control what we'd like to do with our own money.

  13. (I/we)  yell at the other and treat him/her like a child.

  14. (I/we)  use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for hurtful behavior.

  15. (I/we)  support each other's individual goals in life, like pursuing a certain career, or hobby.

  16. (I/we)  make all of the decisions about what the two of us do.

  17. (I/we)  get extremely jealous or accuse the other of cheating.

  18. (I/we)  have close friends and family who like the other person and are happy about our relationship.

  19. (I/we)  communicate about sex. (If your relationship is sexual)

  20. (I/we)  have fun together more often than not.

  21. (I/we)  are faithful to one another. (if this is an agreement you have made with one another.)

  22. (I/we)  apologize when we are wrong.

  23. (I/we)  put the other down by calling names, cursing, or making the other feel bad about him/her self.

  24. (I/we)  tells the other how to dress.

  25. (I/we)  embarrass or humiliate the other.

  26. (I/we)  respect each other's opinions even when they are different.

  27. (I/we)  frequently criticize the other's friends or family.

  28. (I/we)  try to keep the other from having a job or furthering his/her education.

  29. (I/we)  try to make the other feel crazy or play mind games.

  30. (I/we)  has ever grabbed, pushed, hit, or physically hurt the other.

  31. (I/we)  go back on promises.

  32. (I/we)  accept responsibility for our actions.

  33. (I/we)  blame the other for our own behavior. ("If you hadn't made me mad, I wouldn't have...")

  34. (I/we)  each enjoy spending time separately, with our own friends, and with each other's friends.

  35. (I/we)  act controlling or possessive, like we own one another.

  36. (I/we)  have equal decision making power about what we do in our relationship.

  37. (I/we)  neither of us ever feel like we're pressured for sex.

  38. (I/we)  ignore or withhold affection as a way of punishing the other.

  39. (I/we)  are proud to be with each other.

  40. (I/we)  don't take the other person, or things that are important to him/her seriously.

  41. (I/we)  have ever threatened to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave.

ANSWER KEY

After taking the quiz, reflect on the answers you've chosen. Note where your answers fall to give you a sense of whether there are issues of concern that may need to be addressed. These are certainly not all the questions that characterize what a healthy or unhealthy relationship is comprised of; and even one single answer may be an indication of a serious problem.

"I came to Jill because I wanted to figure out how to move past the blocks I have toward building a home for myself. What I really like about her work is that it opened up my mind to look at things from a totally new perspective. I realized I hadn't moved forward because of the way I've been looking at my situation. I was totally stuck. I can honestly say I feel freed up now. It was so helpful that Jill had a confident energy and was somehow able to pick up on things that were out of my awareness. I found her to be really insightful and her sense of humor really put me at ease.

— S.C.

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