Are You a People Pleaser?
Take this quiz and find out!

Below is a quiz that will measure your tendency toward people pleasing, as well as the underlying reasons that keep you stuck in this behavior. Read each item and decide whether the statement applies to you. Try not to overthink the questions. If the question is mostly true or mostly false, note your answers accordingly.

1. It's extremely important to me to be liked by nearly everyone in my life. (T)/(F)

2. I believe that nothing good can come from conflict. (T)/(F)

3. My needs should always take a backseat to the needs of the people I love. (T)/(F)

4. I expect myself to rise above conflict and confrontation. (T)/(F)

5. I often do to much for other people or even let myself be used so that I won't be rejected for other reasons. (T)/(F)

6. I have always needed the approval of other people. (T)/(F)

7. It's much easier for me to acknowledge negative feelings about myself than to express negative feelings toward others. (T)/(F)

8. I believe that if I make other people need me because of all the things I do for them, I won't be left alone. (T)/(F)

9. I'm hooked on doing things for others and pleasing them. (T)/(F)

10. I go to great lengths to avoid conflict or confrontation with my family, friends, or co-workers. (T)/(F)

11. I'm likely to do all the things I can to make others happy before I do anything just for myself. (T)/(F)

12. I almost never stand up to others in order to protect myself because I'm too afraid of getting an angry response or provoking a confrontation. (T)/(F)

13. If I stopped putting others' needs ahead of my own, I would become a selfish person and people would no longer like me. (T)/(F)

14. Having to face a confrontation or conflict wiht anybody makes me feel so anxious that I almost get physically ill. (T)/(F)

15. It is very difficult for me to express criticism even if it is constructive because I don't want to make anyone angry with me. (T)/(F)

16. I must always please others even at the expense of my own feelings. (T)/(F)

17. I have to give of myself all the time in order to be worthy of love. (T)/(F)

18. I believe that nice people get the approval, affection, and friendship of others. (T)/(F)

19. I must never let other people down by failing to do everything they expect of me even when I know that the demands are excessive or unreasonable. (T)/(F)

20. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to "buy" the love and friendship of others by doing so many nice things to please them. (T)/(F)

21. It makes me very anxious and uncomfortable to say or do anything that might make another person angry with me. (T)/(F)

22. I rarely delegate tasks to others. (T)/(F)

23. I feel guilty when I say "no" to requests or needs of others. (T)/(F)

24. I would think that I am a bad person if I didn't give of myself all the time to those around me. (T)/(F)

Answer key: 

Add up the number of  your "True" responses

If your total "true" responses is between: 16-24 then your disease to please is deeply ingrained and is serious. It is probably causing a heavy toll on your emotional and physical health, and likely on the quality of your relationships. However, your current level of distress can be a great motivator toward reclaiming control over your life. 

If your total "true" responses is between: 10-15 then your disease to please is moderately severe. Immediate attention and effort to change this pattern would be necessary for it not to grow any worse.

If your total "true" responses is between: 5-9 then your disease to please is a moderate problem. You likely have developed some strengths and resistance to self defeating tendencies. However, your people pleasing habits can still pose a disruptive threat to health and well being. This is a good point at which to build on your strengths and aim for full recovery.

If your total "true" responses is: 4 or less then you may have only mild people pleasing tendencies, or none at all. Good news!

Which Type Are You?

There are three underlying types of people pleasing. To understand which one you are, you can add up our scores on the items that measure each of the three causes. 

To see if you are controlled by your thoughts:  Add up the number of "true" responses to questions: 1, 3, 5, 8, 13, 17, 18, & 24

To see if you are controlled by your habits or behaviors: Add up the number of "true" responses to questions: 6, 9, 11, 16, 19, 20, 22, & 23

To see if you are controlled by your feelings/emotions: Add up the number of "true" responses to questions: 2, 4, 7, 10, 12, 14, 15, & 21

The highest score will indicate which of these factors is the main reason you are continuing to people please. You are a cognitive people pleaser if you scored highest on the thought scale. You are a behavioral people pleaser if you scored highest on the habits or behavior scale. You are an emotionally avoidant people pleaser if you scored highest on the feelings/emotions scale. You may find that you are tied for a couple of different categories, which means you have more than one cause for your people pleasing pattern.

2001 The Disease to Please, Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D.

805-623-4177  |  Santa Barbara, CA    

Jill Rubin, LICSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Relationship Coach

Jill Rubin, LCSW
Relationship Coach

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